The Best Day of My Life

As a little girl I dreamed of being a beautiful bride one day... walking down the aisle in the most stunning white wedding dress. My dream came true on July 10. I hardly know what to say except that day really was the best day of my life. It was beyond beautiful, and it was so worth the wait. Jason and I saw each other during the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner, but not after that until the "Bridal March" on the wedding day. We got married at 6 o'clock Saturday night at Duncan Estate in Spartanburg, South Carolina. The whole day seemed to go by so slow... I never knew I could feel so anxious. I was so calm all day, and I was not stressed in the least bit. All morning and afternoon I was able to spend some good time with my bridesmaids. We didn't have to start getting ready until around 11, and that day was so relaxing and enjoyable. During the time Jason and I dated, I wrote journals starting from the first time we met. Over the past few months I started writing all the journals in one journal to give Jason on our wedding day, and that morning I finished the last journal entry. Maddeline gave Jason the journal and a letter that I wrote him. Jason wrote me a letter and at that time I started realizing how real this really was. I remember people around me taking pictures as I read Jason's note to me. Everything was in slow motion from then on. We finished getting ready, I did my make up with Maddie, and waited for the videographer and photographer to get there. It was right at 3:00. They took pictures as I got dressed, and I remember my mom zipping up my dress and putting my veil on, and Maddie putting on my shoes for me. The pictures went so fast. We went outside to take the pictures with the bridesmaids. Then we went back inside and waited for the girls transportation to get there. They took the girls to Duncan Estate while dad and I waited for the horse and carriage to arrive. He helped me in the carriage, and we were off. At last, it was almost here. I was so anxious about what was still to come. I couldn't believe after 20 years my dream was finally coming true. We made it to the Duncan Estate where we got off and went upstairs to our room to wait. All of us girls were upstairs, we took some pictures, and I remember watching out the window at all the guests as they arrived. And then I remembered... they were all there for us! It still hadn't quite hit me that this was it. I was within 30 minutes of walking down the aisle to my groom. Time passed by so quickly, and we were told to make our way downstairs to line up. I was smiling form ear to ear. As each bridesmaid was escorted out, I was told to wait on the bottom stair until it was my turn. I remember someone calling to me saying "Seth, Jason, Mr. Andy, and Ben are walking down now." My heart dropped. I wanted to see Jason's face and his body language. I can tell so much about him by that, and I will never know what he looked like that day walking down to the alter where we would say our vows. I was shaking and bouncing up and down saying "when is it my turn, when is it my turn!" The wedding planner looked and me and said, "Are you ready?" I about died! I was so ready, but couldn't believe it was time. I answered "Yes!" and made my way to the double doors with dad. We waited, the song came on, and that was our cue. We carefully walked down the stone stairs, and I remember thinking to myself "don't cry, hold it together." I had already made up my mind that I wasn't going to cry. We walked down 3 more stone stairs and for the first time I got to face my groom. From there it was a straight walk down the stone step way, and I watched him the entire time. I couldn't take my eyes off of him- just to think that someone so amazing loved me so much that he was willing to wait for me for almost 4 years, and always encouraged me to be more like Jesus. The feeling was indescribable, a feeling I still don't know how to put in words. It seemed like it took 10 minutes to finally make it to Jason, but it was only about 2 minutes. We stopped, Seth spoke, I peeked at Jason, and dad gave me away as he kissed me on the cheek. I held Jason's left hand and looked in his eyes. I felt like the world around me had stopped, and that it was just me and him. I don't remember much that was said because all I could focus on was Jason. I do remember our friend, Cliff Preston, writing a song for us and singing it as we knelt down and took communion for the first time as husband and wife. Seth prayed for us, and then asked Jason as the leader of our family to lead us in communion. It was incredible. Such a wonderful time with just Jason. Although I don't remember the whole prayer, I do remember blowing on my eyes to quickly dry the tears of joy. It was almost over, and I couldn't wait to kiss my groom for the first time in weeks. Seth did our vows and smiled, looked at us, and said, "You may kiss your bride!" It was the most romantic, special, indescribable moment of my life. It was better than I ever thought it would be. I was so excited when Seth announced us Mr. and Mrs. Jason McLeod. That was it! I was married! I was finally Jason's wife! I threw my hand and flowers up in the air and walked up the aisle together! The rest of the night seemed like a blur. We did family pictures, and went straight inside to cut the cake with the wedding party and family so we could have pictures taken. We toasted with white sparkling grape juice, and I remember laughing at how hard it was to get the right arm and angle as we drank. We went outside to our couple's table so we could greet everyone as they walked out with their food. I think I ate 3 bites of fruit, and I couldn't eat anymore. I was so excited, nervous, and just too busy talking to eat. It was a blast. I hate that I missed seeing so many decorations and people who were already in the backyard, but I did get to see pictures later. We did our first dance to Steven Curtis Chapman's "I WIll Be Here" and dad and I danced to "I Loved Her First." Then Jason danced with his mom. I don't remember how it all got started, but next thing I know I see Jason dancing in the middle of a huge group of people all by himself and everybody laughing and clapping. I couldn't believe it! I knew he would tell me later that he wasn't sure what got into him. We did the garter toss, which was funny later when I saw pictures of Seth's face laughing out loud when Jason put his head under my dress. Seth, Jason, and I had a few moments by ourselves as we signed the marriage license. It was a sweet time, and at that point I looked at Jason and said, "I'm ready to go!" We got the bridal party together and everyone was introduced on the front steps and we were introduced upstair on the balcony. It was so neat to see everyone clapping and supporting us. The carriage was in front of the house waiting for us. We walked downstairs and out into the crowd to the same horse and carriage that dropped dad and me off. I gave mom and dad a big hug and kiss before Jason helped me in the carriage. At this point it was 9:00, and we headed off to the Inn On Main where we stayed our first night.


This story may seem so normal and ordinary to some, but for me it was the best day of my life. It was a day that I will never forget, and that I pray I will always remember the feelings I had.


I have been wanting to write this for quite sometime now, and this July will be our 2 year anniversary. I knew that if I wrote it, I would always be able to read it and bring me back to those moments on our special day. It was beyond wonderful, and so much better than I had ever dreamed it would be. Everyday I am grateful for that day, for the covenant we made before ourselves and God, and the love that Jason and I share. I sometimes cry and wish we could start that day over and do it again. I know nothing will never compare to that day, and I am thankful for the past 2 years of growing together. I love you Jason and I love falling more in love with you everyday. You are my sunshine, my best friend, my lover, and the best day of my life.

Obeying Anyways

In Luke chapter 22 verses 42-44, Jesus is praying to the Father. This is right before Jesus went to the cross, and he is pouring his heart out saying, "Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will, not mine." I love the next part because this part always seems to get left out when we talk about this scripture. It says, "Then an angel from heaven appeared and strengthened him." Isn't it awesome to know that God is always watching out for us, and He will comfort us no matter the situation. He gives us strength when we feel overwhelmed or stressed.

In the book One Year Praying Through The Bible it says that sometimes believers suffer even when they obey, for we share in Jesus' suffering as well as in his joy. Sometimes the work before us is difficult or painful, but there is a greater purpose behind our difficulties, and we have the opportunity to share in God's plan when we do his will in spite of how we feel.

Oswald Chambers once said, " Our Lord never enforces his "Thou Shalts" and "Thou Shalt Nots"; e never takes means to force us to do what he says."

So, no matter what you may be feeling today, give it to the Lord. Let him strengthen and comfort you in the good times and bad.

The Big Picture

As some of you know, I did get engaged to my best friend and the love of my life this past Tuesday, December 22 at 10:08 pm! : ) I have been longing for this time in my life, but obviously God had a different plan than I did... imagine that- I didn't know what was best for me! ha.

I have learned something during this waiting season in my life... God really does have our best interest, and He does see the BIG picture, even when we think our plans and desires are way better. I found that out, and now, 3 years and one month later, I look back at those years and thank God for preparing me for now and for what's to come. Although I've been wanting to be engaged and married to Jason for so long now, I'm thankful that God allowed everything to happen in HIS time... not mine.

Thank God today for always seeing the BIG picture even before we get a piece of it.

Transition In My Life

For those of you how haven't heard, I moved to Georgia at the end of May. I couldn't be happier. I live with two of my best friends, Hayley Catt and Frances Sadler. We live in an awesome 2 story house in a nice neighborhood close to town. I am a full time student at Darton College, and I am currently a teller at Heritage Bank. Once a week I lead a discipleship group of 10th grade girls. On Thursday nights I have bible study with our college and career group. I love being here, and God is providing in some awesome ways- ways I've never expected. I knew for a long time that this is where I'm supposed to be, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am right where I am supposed to be. I am learning to love God more everyday, and from that I am loving Jason more, too. I am so blessed to be here, and am looking forward to seeing what else God has in store for me here!

Firm Steps

Psalm 37:23-24

"If the Lord delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand."

What a powerful picture painted in this scripture. This passage reminds me that no matter how many times I fail, disappoint, upset, and crush God, He promises us that he is always there for us. No matter what I do, no matter how many times, no matter who it is, God is faithful to uphold, which means we will never fall. We may stumble, but never will be fall. Just thought I 'd share one of my favorite scriptures with you! Praying that God will reveal Himself to you in a mighty way!

Freedom From the Pit

Psalm 40:1-5

"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord. Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods. Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you' were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare."

When the Bible speaks of "the pit", I always think of the depths of depression. David spoke of feeling as though he were in a pit, calling out to the Lord to rescue him and set his feet on solid ground. Nobody wants to be in the pit of depression. Satan takes advantage of your situation by reminding you of painful memories. When you are depressed, the devil's goal is to make you so miserable and hopeless you will never rise up to cause him any problems or to fulfill the call of God on your life. So if you're struggling in a pit that keeps you from being all God wants you to be, cry out to the Lord and allow Him to draw you out of the pit and set you free. God has a great life planned for you, don't let Satan steal it through depression. 

                                    ~ Ending Your Day Right by: Joyce Meyer

*I literally just opened up to today's devotion, and that's what I read. To be completely honest, which I can be b/c the Lord has cleansed me from this, I have been struggling with depression. My parents don't even know. Nobody knew. I started treating Jason in ways I never have before. I was very short and rude with all the comments I made to him for about a month. Yet, he stuck with me through the tough times b/c he understands what true love is. I hardly talked to anyone, I didn't eat much, and my mind was constantly focused on losing weight to look like certain girls that I had in my head. I was still having a daily quiet time, but satan was continuing to stomp me down further into the ground. On top of all that, I didn't have any energy to study school work and truthfully didn't care at all. The thing that killed me most was the way I heard myself talking to Jason... I wanted to tell him how much I love him and in my heart I knew I did, but satan took hold of my mouth and attitude and used it against my will. I truly believe his motive was to break me and Jason up b/c he is so mad that we're trying to honor God in everything we do. Satan had a hold of every aspect in my life- from my attitude, my words, my motives, and my mind. BUT there is one thing he cannot touch because I gave it to Christ at 7 years old. My heart. He couldn't have control of that, and truthfully that's what kept me going. On top of treating the love of my life like dirt, I started having minor suicidal thoughts. I told Jason it would be better if I wasn't alive. I cried and cried trying to grasp the concept that my life really does matter and count for something b/c deep down I just wanted to not be alive. For so long satan had me believing that my life was worthless, and that God could never use someone like me- so weak, sinful, unworthy, and pitiful. For weeks and weeks these thoughts went through my head, and I never told anyone. I kept it inside. I looked at Jason one night when he was about to leave, and I couldn't even hug him b/c I felt so filthy and unworthy of love from someone so wonderful b/c satan lead me to believe that lie. Jason looked in my eyes and told me he knew something was wrong- he could see right through me. Who was I kidding? That's what satan wants- to steal, kill, and destroy, and Jason could tell that satan was trying. By my side the whole time loving me even when I didn't deserve it, he prayed and prayed over me many times, and I felt weak and helpless at this point- I felt like Jason's prayers for me were going nowhere, and that nobody cared what I was going through. I know we all struggle in different areas of our lives, and for me it has always been not feeling good enough. I always look at other girls and wish I looked like them or had their body or had beautiful skin like them. I was missing out on a big element in life...

I didn't thank God for making me the way He intended for me to look. I always slapped him in the face by saying "I wish I could look like that" or "I wish I had her figure." My mind was on the outward. 

As I started begging God to show me what my life meant and what my purpose was, I thought back to all the kids that I have come in contact with throughout my life. I have such a passion for children, and what a joy they are to me. Everyday I look forward to having my own one day. I began thinking about my friends and all the laughs and stupid things we've done together. God took me back to Nov 8 2006 when I met the love of my life, Jason, and I was reminded of all we've been through and the incredible things we've been able to accomplish as a couple. I thank God that he made Jason just for me. Even before I knew what love was, God was preparing both of us for each other to serve the one living God together. God took me back to my family and how incredible special they are to me- my mom and all the many life lessons she has taught me, some I wanted to hear, and some not so much; the ways she raised me, and showed me the kind of wife and mother that I long to be one day soon. I thought about all the many nights that dad and I stayed up rubbing each other's feet and watching basketball together- or the late night runs to get ice cream and chocolate sprinkles to have while the game was on. The fights and laughs Jared and I had growing up; I didn't realize how much he meant to me until I sat down and thought about never seeing him again. That broke my heart. And my precious little sister, Maddeline, who I love dearly. I was reminded of time after time when she would ask me questions about stuff she was going through and all the times she had encouraged me and looked up to me. I thought that if I was gone, how much of my heart would be missing. She is my sister, nobody can take her place. Like it says in Psalm 40, I BEGGED God to show me what to do next and to pick me up out of the pit I was in; to somehow help me understand that my life does matter, and that all the lies that satan put in my head, that everyone would be better off if I wasn't alive anymore, were just a bunch of junk. 

I was so ready to get rid of the lies, I was in the Word, Jason was right by my side pushing, challenging, and encouraging me like crazy. It wasn't until this past week that God completely cleared my mind of all the lies satan had me believing for so long. I begged and begged God to show me what my purpose is in life. I don't have everything figured out, but I have come to the realization of something VERY important. It may sound so cliche, but God loves us so much, and we all do have a certain purpose in life. No it's not all about us, but we have a significant role in the eyes of our loving God and Saviour who, by the way, can bring us out of ANY pit we're in. Trust me when I say any pit I mean any pit. Never in my life would I have ever thought that I would struggle with spiritual warfare in ways like depression and suicidal thoughts, BUT I now understand in a way like never before that I AM LOVED and CHERISHED! I have all that anyone could ever want- a wonderful family, great friends, an incredible amazing boyfriend that means the world to me, a support system unlike any other, and most importantly a God that has my life in His hands, and loves me even when I don't deserve to be. What a crucial message for each of us to understand. It's so elementary, but when you're going through spiritual warfare, it feels unreachable. And sometimes God does too. Keep believing. Pray without ceasing. Know God really does have a purpose for your life. Believe that God loves you during your good and bad days. Pray that God will break your heart of any bondage. The reason I say all this is because I had to do it just a few days ago. Satan was making my life a pit of despair, depression, and worthlessness, until the Lord Almighty turned my eyes to HIM! Praise God!

It's funny when you know people pray for you, but you feel like nobody is. I say that to remind and encourage you that they do! I never knew how many people prayed for me specifically until I was reminded over and over again this week. God has a way of picking us up when nothing else can b/c He is the only thing in this world that can ever satisfy us! 

The only reason I shared all this is for one reason alone- I pray that God can and will use my life and the things I go through to help other people with similar situations. I know what it feels like to be at the very bottom and to think things can't get worse. I'm praying you will see life in a different light like I do now. I took so many things for granted until Christ reopened my eyes to the true meaning of life. For that I praise Him with all that I am. I hope and pray that you will realize how much God does love and care for you, even when you don't feel like He does. I'm here to talk if you need anything.... I want people to see Christ through me, and this is one way for me to break away from the bondage satan had on my life. 

Lord, 

Thank you. Sometimes that's all I feel I can say. Thank you for what you mean in my life. I pray you will use my life to honor and glorify you in ways that blow my mind. I praise you for my salvation. Help me to see ways in which I can serve and glorify you. I want you to receive praise from whatever obstacles I am faced with. Thank you for literally picking me up out of that state of depression and giving me a firm rock to stand on. I will praise you for you are worthy of my praise. 

Amen.

Who Are You Pleasing?

Mark 15:13-15 

They shouted back, "crucify him!" "Why?" Pilate demanded. "What crime has he committed?" But the crowd only roared the louder, "Crucify him!" So, Pilate, anxious to please the crowd, released Barabbas to them. He ordered Jesus flogged with a lead-tipped whip, then turned him over to the Roman soldiers to crucify him. 

*Pilate know that an innocent man stood before him. He knew that the true instigators were the chief priests and that their motivation was envy. He also understood that Barabbas was a convicted, dangerous criminal. Yet he went against his own instincts, his responsibilities as an official, and the facts before him. Pilate sold out, and he knew it. When he handed Jesus over to the guard, Pilate set into motion events that would likely haunt him for the rest of his life. He not only killed an innocent man and endangered the safety of his community, he also betrayed himself. He appeased an angry mob, but he did so at great expense. 

Sometimes we hear voices from every corner telling us what we should or shouldn't do. As believers our first priority is to do what is right and to be true to God's Word. It's not always east to take the high road, but it is the road God asks us to travel. Take a moment and ask God to help you to do the right thing. Determine to please him in your job, your decisions, and your relationships no matter what the crowd thinks. 

* Submit your will to God in making decisions and ask for nothing more, nothing less, and nothing else but His perfect will.     ~ Choosing God's Best

I pray that you will base your decisions solely off of God's Word. Don't be a people pleaser- be a God pleaser!