"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord. Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods. Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you' were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare."
When the Bible speaks of "the pit", I always think of the depths of depression. David spoke of feeling as though he were in a pit, calling out to the Lord to rescue him and set his feet on solid ground. Nobody wants to be in the pit of depression. Satan takes advantage of your situation by reminding you of painful memories. When you are depressed, the devil's goal is to make you so miserable and hopeless you will never rise up to cause him any problems or to fulfill the call of God on your life. So if you're struggling in a pit that keeps you from being all God wants you to be, cry out to the Lord and allow Him to draw you out of the pit and set you free. God has a great life planned for you, don't let Satan steal it through depression.
~ Ending Your Day Right by: Joyce Meyer
*I literally just opened up to today's devotion, and that's what I read. To be completely honest, which I can be b/c the Lord has cleansed me from this, I have been struggling with depression. My parents don't even know. Nobody knew. I started treating Jason in ways I never have before. I was very short and rude with all the comments I made to him for about a month. Yet, he stuck with me through the tough times b/c he understands what true love is. I hardly talked to anyone, I didn't eat much, and my mind was constantly focused on losing weight to look like certain girls that I had in my head. I was still having a daily quiet time, but satan was continuing to stomp me down further into the ground. On top of all that, I didn't have any energy to study school work and truthfully didn't care at all. The thing that killed me most was the way I heard myself talking to Jason... I wanted to tell him how much I love him and in my heart I knew I did, but satan took hold of my mouth and attitude and used it against my will. I truly believe his motive was to break me and Jason up b/c he is so mad that we're trying to honor God in everything we do. Satan had a hold of every aspect in my life- from my attitude, my words, my motives, and my mind. BUT there is one thing he cannot touch because I gave it to Christ at 7 years old. My heart. He couldn't have control of that, and truthfully that's what kept me going. On top of treating the love of my life like dirt, I started having minor suicidal thoughts. I told Jason it would be better if I wasn't alive. I cried and cried trying to grasp the concept that my life really does matter and count for something b/c deep down I just wanted to not be alive. For so long satan had me believing that my life was worthless, and that God could never use someone like me- so weak, sinful, unworthy, and pitiful. For weeks and weeks these thoughts went through my head, and I never told anyone. I kept it inside. I looked at Jason one night when he was about to leave, and I couldn't even hug him b/c I felt so filthy and unworthy of love from someone so wonderful b/c satan lead me to believe that lie. Jason looked in my eyes and told me he knew something was wrong- he could see right through me. Who was I kidding? That's what satan wants- to steal, kill, and destroy, and Jason could tell that satan was trying. By my side the whole time loving me even when I didn't deserve it, he prayed and prayed over me many times, and I felt weak and helpless at this point- I felt like Jason's prayers for me were going nowhere, and that nobody cared what I was going through. I know we all struggle in different areas of our lives, and for me it has always been not feeling good enough. I always look at other girls and wish I looked like them or had their body or had beautiful skin like them. I was missing out on a big element in life...
I didn't thank God for making me the way He intended for me to look. I always slapped him in the face by saying "I wish I could look like that" or "I wish I had her figure." My mind was on the outward.
As I started begging God to show me what my life meant and what my purpose was, I thought back to all the kids that I have come in contact with throughout my life. I have such a passion for children, and what a joy they are to me. Everyday I look forward to having my own one day. I began thinking about my friends and all the laughs and stupid things we've done together. God took me back to Nov 8 2006 when I met the love of my life, Jason, and I was reminded of all we've been through and the incredible things we've been able to accomplish as a couple. I thank God that he made Jason just for me. Even before I knew what love was, God was preparing both of us for each other to serve the one living God together. God took me back to my family and how incredible special they are to me- my mom and all the many life lessons she has taught me, some I wanted to hear, and some not so much; the ways she raised me, and showed me the kind of wife and mother that I long to be one day soon. I thought about all the many nights that dad and I stayed up rubbing each other's feet and watching basketball together- or the late night runs to get ice cream and chocolate sprinkles to have while the game was on. The fights and laughs Jared and I had growing up; I didn't realize how much he meant to me until I sat down and thought about never seeing him again. That broke my heart. And my precious little sister, Maddeline, who I love dearly. I was reminded of time after time when she would ask me questions about stuff she was going through and all the times she had encouraged me and looked up to me. I thought that if I was gone, how much of my heart would be missing. She is my sister, nobody can take her place. Like it says in Psalm 40, I BEGGED God to show me what to do next and to pick me up out of the pit I was in; to somehow help me understand that my life does matter, and that all the lies that satan put in my head, that everyone would be better off if I wasn't alive anymore, were just a bunch of junk.
I was so ready to get rid of the lies, I was in the Word, Jason was right by my side pushing, challenging, and encouraging me like crazy. It wasn't until this past week that God completely cleared my mind of all the lies satan had me believing for so long. I begged and begged God to show me what my purpose is in life. I don't have everything figured out, but I have come to the realization of something VERY important. It may sound so cliche, but God loves us so much, and we all do have a certain purpose in life. No it's not all about us, but we have a significant role in the eyes of our loving God and Saviour who, by the way, can bring us out of ANY pit we're in. Trust me when I say any pit I mean any pit. Never in my life would I have ever thought that I would struggle with spiritual warfare in ways like depression and suicidal thoughts, BUT I now understand in a way like never before that I AM LOVED and CHERISHED! I have all that anyone could ever want- a wonderful family, great friends, an incredible amazing boyfriend that means the world to me, a support system unlike any other, and most importantly a God that has my life in His hands, and loves me even when I don't deserve to be. What a crucial message for each of us to understand. It's so elementary, but when you're going through spiritual warfare, it feels unreachable. And sometimes God does too. Keep believing. Pray without ceasing. Know God really does have a purpose for your life. Believe that God loves you during your good and bad days. Pray that God will break your heart of any bondage. The reason I say all this is because I had to do it just a few days ago. Satan was making my life a pit of despair, depression, and worthlessness, until the Lord Almighty turned my eyes to HIM! Praise God!
It's funny when you know people pray for you, but you feel like nobody is. I say that to remind and encourage you that they do! I never knew how many people prayed for me specifically until I was reminded over and over again this week. God has a way of picking us up when nothing else can b/c He is the only thing in this world that can ever satisfy us!
The only reason I shared all this is for one reason alone- I pray that God can and will use my life and the things I go through to help other people with similar situations. I know what it feels like to be at the very bottom and to think things can't get worse. I'm praying you will see life in a different light like I do now. I took so many things for granted until Christ reopened my eyes to the true meaning of life. For that I praise Him with all that I am. I hope and pray that you will realize how much God does love and care for you, even when you don't feel like He does. I'm here to talk if you need anything.... I want people to see Christ through me, and this is one way for me to break away from the bondage satan had on my life.
Lord,
Thank you. Sometimes that's all I feel I can say. Thank you for what you mean in my life. I pray you will use my life to honor and glorify you in ways that blow my mind. I praise you for my salvation. Help me to see ways in which I can serve and glorify you. I want you to receive praise from whatever obstacles I am faced with. Thank you for literally picking me up out of that state of depression and giving me a firm rock to stand on. I will praise you for you are worthy of my praise.
Amen.
